Encourage Other

 Photo by Bino Storyteller on Unsplash

A good thing about having friend is when they told you honestly about your capability on something even when you don't ask one. Somehow it enlightened another side of you, like sun rising inside you. Have you ever feel that?

I was growing up in an artsy kinda family. Art is a superpower we have inside our blood. That's probably because what my dad capable of. Include playing music instruments (traditional and modern), painting, sketching, sculpture, design, and he often getting fussy about things he felt less incoherent trough his artsy-scanning eyes.

During years we grow up together, my siblings started to find their art sense. The male were having a good shoot in music, some of them were joining bands. Drawing and sketch more inherent to the girls, both of my sister good at drawing characters, creating doodles and comic making. While I doodle my abstract life.

Surrounded by people with art superpower made me asked my self what did I capable of? I don't  play music instruments and I'm not good in drawing.

Only sometimes I think my art superpower arouse, when I saw an advertising poster less artistic and I had this mental-correction. Another time I was good re-design something by imitating others. Then I doubt my art power even exist, when its hard for me to create an original design came from my own imagination.

I thought maybe art isn't my field. Maybe I was good at something without physical prove, something mental.

Until one day in a train vacation a friend told me that I had something not everyone would have. A power to listen and involved honestly in conversation when someone tell their story.

Instantly I feel awesome.

What I am trying to tell was, I really amazed by the way a friend told me that I actually had something special on my own.

Basically, I knew I had it, she just said out loud to convince me.

Thought it could be amazing if I could did it to other. Filling up the energy by telling they had those positive things/attitude and that's what made them special.

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My Unexpected No. 04: The Escaped Door

Photo by Garrett Sears on Unsplash

Gladly I was made a right decision to leave my current office because the situation was so fucked up and I can't allowed myself to be the black sheep no more.

The story started a week ago when my only partner was kicked out immediately last minute before April started. She was told to stop working there on Friday and had no chance to find a back up job before she left. Which means.. I became the only one who will in charge on everything and I'm not happy about it. Because it is impossible to handle two brand e-commerce plus a warehouse by two experienced person with a high expectations everything will running smoothly. And now they wanted to cut one leg?

If I could make a analogy, we (me and my partner) were like a two-legs broken chair and really wanted to strengthen our self by adding another leg. But then what we concern doesn't concern them (the company). According to them the best way to make things better was by replacing a leg with the new one. What was wrong in their fucking mind! We are the grassroots who know better. Argh! I was really upset.

For only a couple of days after my partner left, I was stressed out by the things I need to handle alone and if there's an escaped door I would gladly vanished from that cursed place.

But then, the escaped door emerged on Thursday afternoon. Without hesitation I am entering. But the process was not that easy. In order to be vanished from that placed as soon as possible, I need to allow all my payroll vanished too. Even my bosses were blackmailed me. Hahahaha! All I am going to say was: I am taking all the consequences I deserve, and I am not fucking scared.

Well, enough for the bad words.

After all this time, I have been trough good and bad times with a few good people there. Some remain supportive, some just getting suspicious but life is moving on. For two years I've gained a lot: friends, e-commerce/marketing skills, and I really thankful for that. I don't really want to expel myself like this, but this is for the best.

Regarding this still is an early beginning of 2018, I am welcoming a new job, new life and a boyfriend. Oh, how I love my unexpected.

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Unlovely Parental Story

Mari buka tahun 2018 dengan tulisan berbahasa Indonesia dan sedikit kontempelasi pribadi tentang peran gue sebagai seorang anak menahun lalu dan hingga sekarang.

Beberapa tahun lalu, gue sempet merasakan jadi anak broken home (berasa keren) karena orang tua gue sempet pisah kurang lebih dua tahun setelah akhirnya mereka memutuskan untuk rujuk. Di beberapa postingan murmuring blog ini, gue sempet bersumpah serapah tentang betapa buruknya mereka (orang tua gue) selama ini menjalani peran mereka sebagai orang tua. Sampai akhirnya gue bertemu dengan dua teman yang orangtuanya bahkan jauh lebih tidak bertanggung jawab.

Sebut saja namanya Delima. Temen gue yang satu ini udah yatim sejak dia remaja, bokapnya meninggal karena sakit dan meninggalkan istri dan tiga orang anak. Ibunya Delima hidup menjanda sampai sekarang dan belum berkeinginan untuk menikah lagi. Pekerjaanya sebagai agen asuransi tidak banyak membantu perekonomian keluarga. Maka Delima lah yang menjadi satu-satunya tulang punggung keluarga; membayar kontrakan rumah hampir sepertiga penghasilannya, meminjami ibunya uang untuk beli kebutuhan sehari-hari, dan kebutuha lainnya ketika tidak banyak orang yang bergabung jadi anggota asuransi.

Delima punya adik perempuan yang sekarang sedang kuliah di universitas negeri. Adik lelakinya tidak lulus sekolah dan tumbuh jadi pribadi yang pemalu dan minder (gue punya adik lelaku juga yang macem begini, ckck). Adik-adiknya belum ada yang bisa diandalkan untuk membantu meringankan beban ekonomi bersama.

Kadang Delima berkeinginan untuk segera menikah agar bisa menyerahkan kendali kepada ibunya sebagai kepala keluarga dan belajar untuk memegang tanggung jawab. Bagaimana tidak, penghasilannya habis untuk menghidupi keluarganya tanpa bisa menabung untuk masa depannya sendiri.

Teman gue yang lainnya bernama Dahlia. Dia tinggal bersama nenek dari keluarga bokapnya udah sejak kecil karena orangtuanya punya bisnis makanan, jadi agak kelimpungan untuk mengurusi anak kecil. Dahlia masih duduk di bangku kelas dua SMP  ketika bokap dan nyokapnya memutuskan untuk bercerai setelah dikaruniai tiga anak. Ibunya menikah denga pria lain dan melanjutkan usaha makanan, sementara bokapnya bekerja serabutan di daerah Bogor. Kedua orang tua Delima tidak ada yang mengurusi anak-anaknya. Mereka semacam 'dititipkan' di rumah nenek tanpa bekal. Tidak ada nafkah pasti dari kedua orangtuanya, akhirnya Delima sebagai anak tertua menanggung semua kebutuhan adik-adiknya, bahkan membayar sejumlah uang kepada bibinya untuk jatah makan perbulan dan bayar listrik.

Jangankan uang, perhatian dan kasih sayang adalah salah satu hal langka yang mereka bisa dapatkan dari kedua orangtuanya. "Mereka mah SMS gue kalo ada butuhnya doang," ungkap Delima. Bahkan untuk menghadiri rapat sekolah adiknya dan mengambil raport, menjadi tugas Delima. Ia bahkan menetekan air mata di satu sesi curhat.

Gue merasa tertampar mendengar cerita mereka. Selama ini gue kurang bersyukur dengan apa yang gue punya; orang tua yang masih sehat dan sayang banget sama anak-anaknya. Betapa malunya gue pernah menuntut orang tua gue untuk nguliahin semua anaknya, beli rumah yang lebih layak buat tinggal, atau ngasih perhatian lebih jika hal sebelumnya gak bisa mereka penuhi.

Tapi kalo dipikir, orang tua mana sih yang gak pengen semua anaknya sukses, berpendidikan, atau menyediakan tempat tinggal yang layak untuk disebut rumah. Mereka sudah berusaha sepanjang hidup mereka, cuma ya.. memang rejeki yang dicukupkan hanya sebatas apa yang mereka punya saat ini.

Gue terlalu banyak melihat teman lain yang punya orang tua 'hebat', mampu memberikan kasih sayang dan mencukupi kebutuhan anaknya sekuat tenaga lalu membandingkan dengan apa yang gue punya. Lupa kalo di sisi lain kehidupan, ada banyak manusia yang bahkan gak kenal siapa orang tuanya.

Mungkin gue akan kena kutukan anak durhaka. Tapi gue yakin, sejahat apapun gue perah berprsangka buruk terhadap bokap dan nyokap, mereka akan selalu menerima dan memafkan. Seperti yang mereka lakukan akhir-akhir ini. Satu hal yang gue sadari; gak gampang jadi orang tua.

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What Happened in 5th Grade

I was always wanted to be someone else. Like they all had something I couldn't afford, Wealthy, Love, and Appreciations.

In fifth grade, I want to be like Inggit Narulita, a charming classmate and a humble neighbor.

She lived in a stylish modern big house next to my mother’s inherited (this could only mean: super dull) house.

Inggit was the only child that made it impossible for her parents compared her with anyone. I was the third child of a total eight and had a lot of reason to fight and finally to be compared.

Her father built a pretty little flower-full garden in front of their house with a garden lamp blazed every evening. While my dad was busy digging a deep whole in an open space beside my house making compost from the leftover or yellow leafs. Ugh, dangly stinky.

Inggit had her own room painted with pink and cute bed linen matched its pillows. Books weren’t allowed in her bedroom because she had separated study room. The study room was pretty awesome; I’ve been there several times for group discussions. She had this medium desk with cute table lamp and book storage above it.

Though, my room wasn’t that bad. I had enough space for sleeping and studying at the same circumstances along with my sister. Yes, we even shared the bed.

Inggit’s father bought her a brain supplement so he hopes she'll be good in school and shit. Its strawberries flavor! once Inggit shared her pills with me, she's super kind. I don’t even remember what kind of job my dad had that time, but he had too little money that he can’t afford me even a glass of milk a day. But like every father in the whole world, he’s still hoping that I could be good in school and shit.

At the end of semester, Inggit got the first rank in class and I was okay in the third rank. She's got a new pair of shoes while I got my parents widest smiles and two thumbs from each of them.

The next semester, we both jump down the rank. This time I got myself in the fifth rank, my dad still gave his right thumb though, it’s because my siblings had the worsen grade than mine, haha.

As always, Inggit passed me, she’s in the third rank. But shockingly, after school, for whatever happened inside his dang head, her father threw 'the new shoes' right into her face. She missed school for three days after that.

That particular moment, I know that I don’t want to be her anymore.

What's happened just too bizarre. Just because her father bought her (maybe super expensive) brain supplement and when she got failed, she's the one to blame? I mean she's the one who tried dangly hard for the grade, and her father the one who's upset? Dude, you need a bubble gum.**

It’s okay that I had too many sibling, that's how we learned to share. It’s okay that my dad wasn’t bought me that brain fucking supplement or milk whatever, as long as I eat vegetables and study harder. Its okay that our house really that dull, it wasn’t mine anyway. Its my mom’s.

It's all okay that I didn’t get what Inggit had, because I already had what I have. AND IT'S ALL FAIR.

We deserve everything that happened to us anyway (in a positive state of mind).

I don’t really know Inggit after elementary school. We’re now a perfect stranger. But again, I learn a lot from her, that amazingly made who I am now; the girl who proud of being her-dangly-self :v

SPOILER:


* her father was unexpectedly encounter her hanging out with a boy.

**image source: shutterstock

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September's Good Things

Heey! it's good to see me back filling this dumb blog with words. September has become a great month for me because of...

#harrypotter

My siblings back to their old hobbies on admiring Harry Potter after they found Pottermore which apparently Rowling’s digital wizardly-world. I know right, magic went digital. That’s how two contradictory things finally got married? Well, the magic didn’t feel magical though.

After a few of 'magical' test, Tegi and my big bro Banie are in the same House, Ravenclaw. While my lil-sis Uwie got into Huplepuff, so did A Bagus (Tegi's husband). And guest what? I made myself into Slytherin.Yaay! Please, be careful, I might be seriously dangerous :v

#mulkiardhy

Remember the guy from Bandung whose name identically with me? I finally met him after 7 years bizarre friendship through internet. He's more awesome in the real world though, no kidding. His a great person, I learned a lot from him. In return, I made him ride TransJakarta in rush-hour which's awful, and I had a feeling that he kinda hated it, lol. Sorry.

#theweddings

Three friends of mine having their wedding held on September; Sukma, Dini, and Ka Mujib. I wish they had always blessed with happiness in any condition they'll gonna trough with their new family. ❤❤❤

#thejob

I know I was fussy a bit too much about my boss, the messy job desk, and bla bla bla that made me want to leave this office before three months ended. Now I hate to say this; I honestly started to love my job, I’m getting good on everything, my boss got friendlier, and I started to think that I probably gonna miss all my friend here if I am leaving.

Though, those things didn't actually made me wanna stay, I'll see something after January.

#thecashflow

The stupid me always learn real slow, even after 8 months making my own money, its always ended up for something really stupid. I just realized that I need to manage my cash flow and start investing. Well, it's good to be awake.

#theparents

I'm glad that my dad finally started his new little business, that's a super late but a great start anyway. Hopping he live long enough for me to accept him as good as a father I used to adore.

#thespirituallife

I've been learning my religion deeply to an amazing Guru and wife. Honestly the life got greater after I met them. It such a blessing to know them and learn a lot from them.

I hope your September greater than mine :)

*image source: istockphoto

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The Teacher's Daughter

Recently, I was included as a member of a senior-high reunion group on WhatsApp. As I enter the chat-room, people are excited about it, they actively participate extended the chit-chat.
Otherwise, some people were not that exited. People who reading chat histories but didn't typed anything, people who kept quiet but secretly laughing out loud while reading, someone like me.
To be honest, my senior high period was not really that amazing. If  people said their best moments in life happen during high school, it doesn't happen in mine. You know what? Just simply because I'm the teacher's daughter.
I was cursed by that epithet during high school. My dad was teaching an extracurricular class back then. I've never taking his class anyway but some of my classmates did.
Its a common situation where (even a favorite) teacher have a bunch of haters. FYI, my dad was not passed a qualification as a favorite teacher, instead of he was one whom annoying.
For that matter, I've never felt like anyone would like befriended with me sincerely unless my dad wasn't their damn teacher.
You get my pain point?
Nobody remembered me as Uki, the girl with a weird smiles, or Uki the girl who awkwardly rise her hand in the middle of the class when nobody does. Me, Uki as myself.
I guess what they remembered was; Uki that teacher's daughter, Uki whose brother good in music.
All I want was just be a common student who also want to befriend without being remembered as anyone's daughter or anyone's siblings with a comparison as a plus. I was just want to be recognized as me, Uki, that ordinary fellow.
Well, anyway I'm glad that someone still remembered me and put me in that group. That's mean I still remembered. Maybe my classmates doesn't mean to treat me that way. Maybe it was just me who feel that nobody was really sincere befriended with me because I'm the teacher's daughter. Maybe it was me who's not sincerely giving my best shot to know them better, play with them some little more.

Ah, yeah, I guess that's what had happened.

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Bad Words

The cubical club now is part of my daily zone. I spend 40 hours a week with people in this club right in the left corner of the room. Nobody touch their thirty yet, which means we are the most energetic-youthful team in the whole office. A thing about working with young people around is we don’t really bother with manners and had zero tendencies to use highly decent language to each other in the club.

Even some of my colleagues address each other’s by 'pet' names like; 'Njing' or 'Nyet' (though Nyet [monkey: mo-nyet] is not a pet). Also, they do not hesitate to swear using these kinda words; kampret, tai, telek, sial, sialan, siaul, anjir, bangsat, mampus, if they feel annoyed. And we used to it. They use to it. It's like those bad words become the common word people using in daily conversation as common as we'll say 'hey', 'good bye' or 'hallo'.

Therefore, within the entrance of Ramadan an idea popped up; that we should pay 1K rupiah for each bad word or sarcastic word we pronounced either it's accidentally or by any means. Everybody was in, even the Christians like Ricco, Sherly (the new mar-comm), and kak Cipet were exited.

In day two, everyone has already paying for their bad words while I had no expertise to actively participate. I basically an expert introvert. I don't talk much even less cursing people around. Well, cursing is some kinda anger or annoy released for me. I did curse sometimes; I'll say the F word or 'darn it' a hundred times while whisper it to my sellf.

After all, I guess this idea became a social punishment game that made some of us think twice before saying bad words. Finally, this cubical club has gave me something to write about.

Anyway, let's see how much 'dirty money' we gained in the end of this fasting month. And where it goes for. Until then.

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Ranking Dua

Hari ini acara bagi raport. Dan hasil nya gak begitu tragis kaya cerita konyol gue dibawah slide. Alhamdulilah, gue dapet rangking dua, walupun itu turun. Gue dikalahin sama ketua kelas gue yang bernama Adhy Ghuna Irmono.

Udah dari semester satu dia bilang mau menggantikan posisi gue di kancah persaingan kelas X-10 (hahahaha bahasa nya). Dengan tampangnya yang galak kaya burung gagak dan serius kaya ikan  paus, si Adhy bilang gini ;

Adhy: "Liat aja, semester dua gue bakal ngejar elo!!!"
Gue  : "Wah, ngejar-ngejar gue, gak cape tuh? Gue kan yg paling jago balap lari."
Adhy: "Bukan itu dodol, gue bakal jadi the winner!"
Gue  : cuma bisa ngangkat sebelah alis trus bilang "Oke!"

Dan sekarang kejadian ....
sebel sih, tapi kan harus sportif. Jujur aja semester ini gue rada gak serius di sekolah. Ulangan aja masih sempet-sempetnya nonton EURO, payah.

Tapi teuteup, gue yang the best!
Buat Adhy, kalo kita ketemu lagi di kelas dua, pasti gue bakal ngebalap lo lagi! Kalo perlu gue serempet! hahaha kaya yang lagi balapan motor XD

Yowess lah, congratulation buat sang juara! salut... salut...

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