October 06, 2016

What Happened in 5th Grade

I was always wanted to be someone else. Like they all had something I couldn't afford, Wealthy, Love, and Appreciations.
In fifth grade, I want to be like Inggit Narulita, a charming classmate and a humble neighbor.
She lived in a stylish modern big house next to my mother’s inherited (this could only mean: super dull) house.
Inggit was the only child that made it impossible for her parents compared her with anyone. I was the third child of a total eight and had a lot of reason to fight and finally to be compared.
Her father built a pretty little flower-full garden in front of their house with a garden lamp blazed every evening. While my dad was busy digging a deep whole in an open space beside my house making compost from the leftover or yellow leafs. Ugh, dangly stinky.
Inggit had her own room painted with pink and cute bed linen matched its pillows. Books weren’t allowed in her bedroom because she had separated study room. The study room was pretty awesome; I’ve been there several times for group discussions. She had this medium desk with cute table lamp and book storage above it.
Though, my room wasn’t that bad. I had enough space for sleeping and studying at the same circumstances along with my sister. Yes, we even shared the bed.
Inggit’s father bought her a brain supplement so he hopes she'll be good in school and shit. Its strawberries flavor! once Inggit shared her pills with me, she's super kind. I don’t even remember what kind of job my dad had that time, but he had too little money that he can’t afford me even a glass of milk a day. But like every father in the whole world, he’s still hoping that I could be good in school and shit.
At the end of semester, Inggit got the first rank in class and I was okay in the third rank. She's got a new pair of shoes while I got my parents widest smiles and two thumbs from each of them.
The next semester, we both jump down the rank. This time I got myself in the fifth rank, my dad still gave his right thumb though, it’s because my siblings had the worsen grade than mine, haha.
As always, Inggit passed me, she’s in the third rank. But shockingly, after school, for whatever happened inside his dang head, her father threw 'the new shoes' right into her face. She missed school for three days after that.
That particular moment, I know that I don’t want to be her anymore.
What's happened just too bizarre. Just because her father bought her (maybe super expensive) brain supplement and when she got failed, she's the one to blame? I mean she's the one who tried dangly hard for the grade, and her father the one who's upset? Dude, you need a bubble gum.**

It’s okay that I had too many sibling, that's how we learned to share. It’s okay that my dad wasn’t bought me that brain fucking supplement or milk whatever, as long as I eat vegetables and study harder. Its okay that our house really that dull, it wasn’t mine anyway. Its my mom’s.
It's all okay that I didn’t get what Inggit had, because I already had what I have. AND IT'S ALL FAIR.
We deserve everything that happened to us anyway (in a positive state of mind).

I don’t really know Inggit after elementary school. We’re now a perfect stranger. But again, I learn a lot from her, that amazingly made who I am now; the girl who proud of being her-dangly-self :v


* her father was unexpectedly encounter her hanging out with a boy.

**image source: shutterstock

October 01, 2016

23 Craps of Mine

This writing is consider a crap because it's a list of  unimportant things about me that you could die after discover it. And you’ll literary get nothing after reading this, except;
a. You’ll distaste me
b. You’ll still like me, that made you crazy
c. You might have an idea to write your own version of crap


I sleep better without pillow
My eyes are half-open when I'm sleeping. Kinda creepy, huh
I’m madly in love with spicy food
I give up social media just because people are so fussy about me
I love strawberry's milk, I haven’t tried the coconut delight though, I might also like it
My shoes didn't survive my toes, they always wreck after half a year
I ruined my wardrobe every time
I rarely succeed buying a proper apparel, on my own
My teeth had 3 holes, and I haven’t tasted the hell-pain for about eight years
I'm a coffee person, with milk on it, a lot
I sweating a lot
I only act ridiculous to people who ever saw me cry or witnessed me from having a fart
I often feel out of place among sarcastic people, their rudeness kill my kindness
I always do a mind game, wondering what will I do if I'd be that person
I sometimes wonder how people think about me, but never give a dang about it
I often giggle to a funny thing across my mind without anyone concern
I had troubles when it comes to stay in touch with old friends
I think it's a useless thing to do: crying under the rain
My weird smile is a present from my parents when they're about to abort my outward
I can’t ride a motorcycle, and never will, because Jakarta's traffic cursed me
I like to turn money into origami-shirt 
Reading soft-porn is a guilty pleasure 
I prefer watching an animation movies in cinema, because it’s worth
I think horror movies is a forth-world crap
‘Try a bungee jumping’ is a top three of my "things I should try before I die" list
I think religion is very important, finding the God is more important 
This is crap: I'm  Sagittarian, and I had no idea what I’m gonna do about it
I wanna learn Parseltongue, since I get into Slytherlin on Pottermore
I wear casual make-up once in a day, and never re-touch it

This is the end of the crap, the list might be increasing. If you're interesting to made your own crap, please tag me, I'd love to read your crap, ugh :v

*image source: moofookimbob

September's Good Things

Heey! it's good to see me back filling this dumb blog with words. September has become a great month for me because of...

My siblings back to their old hobbies on admiring Harry Potter after they found Pottermore which apparently Rowling’s digital wizardly-world. I know right, magic went digital. That’s how two contradictory things finally got married? Well, the magic didn’t feel magical though.
After a few of 'magical' test, Tegi and my big bro Banie are in the same House, Ravenclaw. While my lil-sis Uwie got into Huplepuff, so did A Bagus (Tegi's husband). And guest what? I made myself into Slytherin.Yaay! Please, be careful, I might be seriously dangerous :v

Remember the guy from Bandung whose name identically with me? I finally met him after 7 years bizarre friendship through internet. He's more awesome in the real world though, no kidding. His a great person, I learned a lot from him. In return, I made him ride TransJakarta in rush-hour which's awful, and I had a feeling that he kinda hated it, lol. Sorry.

Three friends of mine having their wedding held on September; Sukma, Dini, and Ka Mujib. I wish they had always blessed with happiness in any condition they'll gonna trough with their new family. 

I know I was fussy a bit too much about my boss, the messy job desk, and bla bla bla that made me want to leave this office before three months ended. Now I hate to say this; I honestly started to love my job, I’m getting good on everything, my boss got friendlier, and I started to think that I probably gonna miss all my friend here if I am leaving.
Though, those things didn't actually made me wanna stay, I'll see something after January.

The stupid me always learn real slow, even after 8 months making my own money, its always ended up for something really stupid. I just realized that I need to manage my cash flow and start investing. Well, it's good to be awake.

I'm glad that my dad finally started his new little business, that's a super late but a great start anyway. Hopping he live long enough for me to accept him as good as a father I used to adore.

I've been learning my religion deeply to an amazing Guru and wife. Honestly the life got greater after I met them. It such a blessing to know them and learn a lot from them.

I hope your September greater than mine :)

*image source: istockphoto

August 14, 2016

A Conversation With Mother

That night when only me and her in a time after supper, I gave a short hurtful reviewed on how our alliance so-we-called family could be this messed up. By opening this up I hope she know my feelings, I hope she'll listen, I hope she’ll understand.

The ugly truth: my family was (and still is) that kind of family that never had conversation with each other, or gather to share feelings about each other. The family that shut down a problem by pretending that everything is gonna be just fine if we don't talk about the problem no more. The family that created peace by keeping the bloody war inside everyone heart.
Dangly Amazing, we've done this for years.

I told her:
How my siblings and I survived our childhood obtaining abusive treatment from her and her husband. 
How it affects us until now. And I thought she should know.
How I learn so much from this messed up family.
How I see my friends’ parents were not like mine.
How I want to change everything, start the talk and forgive.

And she told me:
How she was only a stupid mother.
How she regret what she and her husband did to us back then.
How she's okay we don't consider her as a mother no more
How a neighbor's kid still love their parents even in abusive childhood.
How she's survived in pain pregnant and born us.
How she wants to live peaceful without talking about the past.
No, mom. I don't mind if you are stupid. I don't need a brilliantly clever super mom, I only need a mom who’d like to know her children's feeling and what kind of life they're living. I want a mother who'd like to stop this bloody war and fix this family. I want a mother who gave a damn care, if love is too much to ask.

I thought that night I was failed made her understand. Maybe I should try some other time.
Yeah, maybe some other time I should said it without tears.