October 16, 2017

Murmuring: Am I Naive

Today was another day I miss writing my shitty day on so it would at least drain out  problems out of my mind. It wasn't, but sure helps.

I was running like crazy this 24 hours, helping others solve their problems while I had my own waiting. But I didn't mind tho.

It's not a job that I was paid of to do, but I did it anyway. None of this I wanted to brag about, because sometimes I feel tired too spending my time, my heart, and my little pocket to people that they don't really understand my situation. But again, I did it anyway.

Mostly my sister complained about me being naive and unrealistic. Maybe because she's a pro then she calculate everything while I'm  doing it purposeless. Just when a friend of mine asked then I did it.

Ah, sorry I'm being haphazard. I was talking about creative jobs such as photography, designing, and other stuffs relate to digital artwork. My family was really into it, even my sister was made it into a pro. She went to college major in design. No wonder she's calculated everything.

Said she I should put my price tag, because the job spent times, idea, energy, creativity out of me. And I know she's right.

But then, I'm not a pro like her. Like I don't deserve a price tagged in me (well, not yet).

Temporarily, I'll do the job just when I had the time and I wanted to do it. I was just glad that I could help my friend. I actually think they're paid me with a chance for helping me back in the future.

Now I know why she called me naive.


February 04, 2017

Living Away from Home

It's Saturday and I got a visitor, my lil sister from Cibinong, she's an artist. She's been joining an art community based in Bogor which a couple of week soon gonna held an exhibition. So here she was, try to find some kinda inspiration. Though I was inspired too by her visit.

Have been living alone miles away from my family since collage I always feel okay with it. Nothing's wrong with warteg's menus in the afternoon and having instant noodles for supper. Nothing's wrong with washing clothes with bare hands. Sharing bathrooms with people. sewing a disjointed buttons, washing dishes after meal, what else? Oh, ironing clothes, task I really got lazy to do.

But then I realized something was wrong. It was a couple year ago, I was still a student  when I went out with my two elder girl friends, probably six or eight years older than me. It was almost midnight, we just finished watching a show when their phone rang just almost in the same moment. Yes, a parent call.

Where are you? 
What time will you arriving home? 
Be careful. 

That was the line they both got that I didn't. And that was cool, my parent never gave me a routine call though. Our family never had that intently connection. I was living in dormitory for four or five years in Bekasi, my parents did accompanying me to find my first dorm but never visit me after. It took only my graduation to have my mom visits my dorm.

Just a couple week ago my office friend told me that her father was insist visiting her dorm "just wanna see", and she somehow didn't like it. Well, I don't know if my dad do the same, I probably did not like it too.

Then I jumped to an assumptions why my parent never called or visited me:
1. They don't care.
2. They believe in me.

I took number 2 option just because I felt my parents assumed that I could take care of myself over here the way every adult did.

February 02, 2017

Holding The Explosions

How long could you hold yourself from a huge anger?
My sister once told me she hated herself just because she had a bad anger management. If she's easy get annoyed, she'll tell you immediately. It's like she gets so easy to express that she was upset and explained why.

I guess that's why I envy her.

I was the type of person who can't express my anger. It's always hanging between my throat and my burning heart: the words I wanted to spit. It's a big exhale coming out instead.

This afternoon I was upset with something from the job that my office pals weren't helping at all. They know I was busy, but they keep calling me to do things and what I really wanted to say was: "GET THE FUCK DUDE, DO YOUR OWN BUSINESS LIKE I DID ALL MY BUSINESSES!"

But a massive exhale coming out with a fucking little nod. I feel like I am the dummies person on earth because I can't express my anger. Holding a pillow I'll cry in the end of the day like always. Such a dumb ass.

I want my sister, badly.

February 01, 2017

The Unimportant Purchases

First day of February, I went to a grocery store and found myself amusingly stare at a green jewelry organizer after I failed to create a do-it-yourself one. Well, my DIY project could actually work if only I did it in the weekend. You know, I had no time in the weekend, so I bought those green cute little thing for 2.5$. I love cheap things! ~

Then I remembered, last month I bought a pair of imitation iPhone headphones for only 3$ in a stationery near my neighborhood. The output sound was okay, not terrible. And the best part was: in a box it was consist of two pair of headphones, black and white. Yes, I got two new headphones. I'm beyond happy.

Talking about a pair of headphone, I was lately listening to Celia Pavey, a 2013 The Voice Australia's participant. I like her because this particular video of her sing a cover song Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz.

Though I like the original one, but Celia's version was totally different. Which was excellent for me. With her version, the song was melodically sweet and most importantly; sing-able!

Oh, I forgot to made an introduction of #30HariBlogging that I challenge myself to write fully a month, Yeay! But this time I am all alone. A couple years ago I completed the challenge with 7 other pals, and it sure had more fun. But today I didn't know if those pals still remembered their blog's password. And I had no time (I actually always forgot) to knock on their phones just to ask "Let's do #30HariBlogging again, shall we?". Maybe next time I'll ask them.

So, here's my first writing.