December 26, 2017

Women, Men, and Cigarettes

Three of five girl friends of mine are smoker, one of them is a social smoker, two others are active smokers.
All of them agreed smoking are a bad habit.
All of them considering one day they would stop.
All of them hoping someday there is a guy who able to change them.
Someone who made them stop smoking.

Then I had a thought:

Why bother changing your habit because of a man?
Why don't you find a guy who understand that women also need to smoke?
If you find a reason to stop smoking for the sake of your lungs then do it.
Not because a man told you so.

But I couldn't tell em.


Outta Place

Have you ever find yourself lost in the middle of a group talk? You hate the conversation but you couldn’t escape and you do nothing just because you are too lazy to defend an argument? I did it very often for the sake of world peace.

Me and my cubical friends always had casual conversation during lunch break,  mostly about brandnew apparel they're gonna buy early next month or they just gossiping or joking around, and their favorite joke was about sex. 

Most people would laugh out loud to sex-jokes, but I kinda offended if I was in the middle of it.

I mean, talking about your penis, your vagina, or your boobs or any other raunchy things without any good intended such as self-educate, sharing problems, or anything for your mental healt. What's for? It's not something proper to laugh at. 

Sexual talk considered as a personal and serious matter to me, but not to my friends. Feels like I’m a lost Digimon in the middle of Pokemon movie. I can't use my power to defeat them, because I'm not in the right scene. 

I don’t know, I just can't find the hilarious side of their jokes. I can't take sex-jokes as a joke. I am more into sarcastic and thoughtful jokes like what Sheldon did in Big Bang Theory. 

Maybe I'm being too serious, whatever. 

October 16, 2017

Murmuring: Am I Naive

Today was another day I miss writing my shitty day so it would at least drain out  problems out of my mind. It wasn't, but sure helps.

I was running like crazy this 24 hours, helping others solve their problems while I had my own waiting.

It's not a paid job, more likely voluntary but I did it anyway.

None of this I wanted to brag about, but sometimes I felt tired spending my time and my energy for people who don't really understand my situation. But again, I did it anyway.

Mostly my sister complained about me being naive and unrealistic. Maybe because she's a pro then she calculate everything while I'm  doing it purposeless, just when a friend of mine asking for a help.

Ah, sorry I'm being haphazard. I was talking about creative jobs such as photography, designing, and other stuffs relate to digital artwork. My family was really into it, even my sister was made it into a pro. She went to college major in design. No wonder she's calculated everything.

Said she, I should put on my price tag because the job spent times, ideas, energy, creativity out of me. And I know she's right.

But then, I'm not a pro like her. Feels like I don't deserve a price tag on me (well, maybe not yet).

Temporarily, I'll do the job just when I had the time and I really wanted to do it. I was just glad that I could help my friend.

To be honest, I had a thought my friend would paid me with a chance to help me someday in the future.

Now I know why she called me naive.


February 04, 2017

Living Away from Home

It's Saturday and I got a visitor, my lil sister from Cibinong, she's an artist. She's been joining an art community based in Bogor which a couple of week soon gonna held an exhibition. So here she was, try to find some kinda inspiration. Though I was inspired too by her visit.

Have been living alone miles away from my family since collage I always feel okay with it. Nothing's wrong with warteg's menus in the afternoon and having instant noodles for supper. Nothing's wrong with washing clothes with bare hands. Sharing bathrooms with people. sewing a disjointed buttons, washing dishes after meal, what else? Oh, ironing clothes, task I really got lazy to do.

But then I realized something was wrong. It was a couple year ago, I was still a student  when I went out with my two elder girl friends, probably six or eight years older than me. It was almost midnight, we just finished watching a show when their phone rang just almost in the same moment. Yes, a parent call.

Where are you? 
What time will you arriving home? 
Be careful. 

That was the line they both got that I didn't. And that was cool, my parent never gave me a routine call though. Our family never had that intently connection. I was living in dormitory for four or five years in Bekasi, my parents did accompanying me to find my first dorm but never visit me after. It took only my graduation to have my mom visits my dorm.

Just a couple week ago my office friend told me that her father was insist visiting her dorm "just wanna see", and she somehow didn't like it. Well, I don't know if my dad do the same, I probably did not like it too.

Then I jumped to an assumptions why my parent never called or visited me:
1. They don't care.
2. They believe in me.

I took number 2 option just because I felt my parents assumed that I could take care of myself over here the way every adult did.